I'll paint you a picture of this land of promises and waste of all things borrowed:
children call each other a 'wanker', while (rather innocently) playing basketball; lady breaks into uncontrollable shouting fit, while bus driver refuses to tell her what time the next bus will leave, for fear of his freedom being stood on. Lady threatens to call police, fire and ambulance, calls him a 'wanker', while (rather innocently) reinforces the stereotypes of middle-aged-to-old-aged women; wearing two tones darker than skin wrinkly tights, shoes purchased at the pharmacy, and excessively warm combination of coat, gloves and hat, to protect from "freezing cold" of 15 Celsius. Lady works, looks after 30ish year old children living at home, and massive, massively lazy husband (who, rather innocently calls every male a 'wanker') sitting on his bottom counting down his days to Retirement Fun (which will never come, as he will then hate being stuck in his house).
Joyful, fun-starved children knocking on doors, insisting on a tradition of carol singing, whilst staring at your hand the whole time and blatantly counting the coins inserted in theirs, before you even close the door. 'Wanker' they call you when they see it's less than a gazillion. Quite innocently, you think they are doing it because of pushy traditionalist parents, and wish to shut their tone deaf vocal vibrations up.
I went to the shops, hoping to find something un-tacky and affordable to wrap my presents with. On my way up the street I had a dodge-o-war with an irritating oldish man who refused to let me go past him and chose to step left and right in an opposing manner to mine, whilst menacingly glaring into my eyes. He eventually proceeded, uttering the unspeakable: "baby, if only I had you (in my lap?) I'd show you a good time". 'Wanker' I called him. Not so innocently. Walked past him wearing my face of disgust, traditionally reserved for such exhibition of perve. I didn't find anything at the shop and came back empty handed, only with a packet of strange flavoured chewing gum in my coat pocket, bearing the words 'fresh', 'strong' and 'healthy' on its packet.
Merry Christmas. !
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