alienation nation

i'm an alien and my heart was caught up in barbed wire,
as it was trying to flee the sinking ship,
and now it's made a mess on the floor
with all the drops of sticky blood.
for some reason,
blood of pain is stickier than blood of accident.
blood of negligence, more potent than blood of betrayal.
skin to skin,
i recognise and detach
i un-know and attach
lose the 'i' and adopt 'this'
look down on x-rays of hands holding hands held in hands.
a breeze expected to hit my face, never makes it.
or if it does, my skin has missed it.
such strong needs, each stomping along to their own tantrum
and 'I', the referee, suddenly awake in stripey top and football socks,
wondering when it will be logical,
when will it be comfortable,
and how will i recognise it as such.
and how will you recognise me,
when my features have blurred?
will you recognise my heart beating
and my hands holding onto you
or is everything numb to me, as i am to my shell?

i'm rushed on to the spaceship
no time to wear a spacesuit
no time to click my heels three times,
joyfully wave a tissue
or kiss you.
i feel like a cross between the hitchhikers' guide to the galaxy and ET,
i feel like a cross between border collie and hippopotamus
i feel like a cross and an axe
i feel like feeling is important
but right now who knows what this is and if my pain is happiness or nothing
and in any case, i don't want to burden you, sorry, i'll keep quiet.