same temperature

sitting on the nearly dried street of a london suburb. sitting down on the ground and stretching one leg, bending the other to show off the thinness of thigh and with it the evident need to be thought of as delicate. elegant. to encourage desire to touch her.  her back not touching the wall behind due to miscalculation of distance when first sat down. she is too knotted up to move. she doesn't want to admit error or come across as all over the place. her hands are already doing more than enough talking, rubbing under the eyes the nonexistent itch, wiping the nonexistent excess oil. her skin is perfect. she is mimicking other people's uncomfortable perfectings of their hair and face so she appears animated, so she doesn't intimidate with her physical comfort in discomfort. she realises it is the same summer smell. the same summer temperature. the same shadowy londony experience of musty tree-grass-tarmac heat and gentle breeze. jagermeister and diet coke. it's a tradition. she is so hardcore. she is so rebellious. she is so emotional. she doesn't care but she really does. just right. perfectly perfect. she laughs and looks in the eye. and then away. she is playing with you. she is calling you. she is screaming. jagermeister stupefaction. all a front to explain why she's resting her knee on yours. why she's showing off her skinny arms and careless attitude. she attacks you with semi-insulting semi-inviting laser stare. you close your eyes and squint in the sun. you flick your curl in your finger and then spill a little drink on your jeans. you look adorable. you look exactly as panicked as her. you are so scared and so excited. you are so indifferent. could just pat her head goodbye and not feel a single thread of regret. casual. so bloody casual.

ran out excuses and filler filled with scripted awkwardness. you are not drunk from the jagermeister. you are drunk from the kiss. you are drunk from the realisation you have what you needed in your arms. you have it right there. you might lose it if you are not careful. but for the moment it's right there. no matter how many deep breaths and post party shakes you have, it is not going to disappear. you can just lift your hand and touch it. please lift your hand and touch it.